General
The Fear of Not Making Friends Can Lead to Loneliness
It is a wonderful thing for a person to have friends. Everyone wants to have a friend—or friends—with whom they can share both their happiness and their sorrow, and whom they can trust in every situation. Human beings are social creatures. A healthy person needs to be socially engaged and in communication with those around them. There is no need more natural than sharing one’s life with others while maintaining harmonious relationships with oneself and one’s surroundings.
To make friends, we must be selfless, generous, honest, and loving. Friendship is a type of relationship that develops when we embody these qualities toward one another. For a friendship to form, it is important for both parties to share the same attitudes toward each other.
Don't Push People Away
Going to extreme lengths to make friends will only leave you alone. You can’t make friends by thinking, “I want people around me so I won’t be alone. I’m afraid of being alone.” No one wants to be your friend or companion just so you won’t be alone. When you try to socialize and make friends to alleviate your loneliness, you project an image of weakness and a lack of self-confidence. This image you project is not at all attractive. You end up pushing people away.
People who are overly familiar with everyone they meet—who share their most private matters and are more open than necessary—don’t easily make friends. Friendship isn’t a relationship that can be formed with just anyone. It takes time, effort, and—most importantly—mutual trust. If you’re too open with everyone you meet, people won’t take you seriously or trust you. You may have a lot of acquaintances and a wide social circle, but you won’t have any friends you can truly trust. You’ll generally end up in unhealthy relationships with people who try to take advantage of you—or even make fun of you behind your back.
Be Patient and Keep Your Cool
To make friends, you need to be patient and level-headed. You have to carefully assess the person you’re dealing with. But if you think, “I don’t want to be alone—as long as there’s someone in my life,” you’ll become impatient when it comes to making friends. You’ll see people who are unnecessarily and excessively generous with those around them just to have friends. They always pick up the tab everywhere they go. They’re constantly treating those around them to things… It’s as if they feel that if they don’t do these things, no one will want to be friends with them. They resort to exaggerated behavior in an attempt to prove their worth.
A person who works on self-improvement doesn’t rush to make friends or find close friends. First, they are at peace with themselves and aren’t afraid of being alone. They choose their friends and close friends carefully. They don’t share everything with everyone. They can clearly distinguish between who is a true friend and who isn’t. They don’t resort to unnecessary or exaggerated behavior just to make friends. If someone wants to be their friend, they want that person to be their friend because they truly value them.
The most important thing for making friends is listening to people. Listen to the person you’re talking to. You need to listen in order to understand what kind of person they are, what they like, and what you have in common. Listening helps you understand the other person. You can’t be friends with someone whose thoughts and feelings you don’t understand. People often don’t listen to one another. Remember: When someone feels valued, they’ll want to be your friend—and they’ll be happy about it.
People who are anxious about making friends cannot make friends. This is because they are constantly straining to do so. In their desperation to be liked, they resort to desperate actions that make them look ridiculous. Before you start trying and searching for someone to be your friend, become the kind of person who can be a good friend yourself.